Bad News

We just found out that Dad’s cancer is not responding to the drugs. He had been in the hospital for two days now and all the poking and prodding shows that the cancer is not only back but not responding to treatment like it did before

The bottom line is that they say he has maybe six months. My wife is understandably upset about loosing her dad and it is bringing back memories for me of my Dad’s loosing battle with cancer too. I just got the news from her on the phone. She has already broken the news to the kids and the girls are doing ok, they are helping to support their mom in all of this.

I am beside myself, I know from my own experience that there is little I can do or say to help my wife get through this beyond being there for her to lean on. This is something I can’t fix and that drives me a bit nuts.

I know this is the natural way of things, we are meant to outlive our parents as our kids will outlive us, but it still hurts in a way nothing else can.

I never could buy into main stream religion. Lord knows my Mom tried to raise me Catholic but it didn’t take. I am Wiccan at best but I don’t know. I want to believe that I will see all these folks again when I die, but we just don’t know. I guess it is the engineer in me that wants proof that it will be. Sometimes I feel I know it will be and other times I just feel it is over when it’s over and that’s it and then I wonder why? What is it all for? It bugs me that by the time I know the answer to this it will be too late to be of any comfort and I won’t be able to tell anyone who hasn’t already learned the answer too. . . .

Sorry for the downer of a post on a Friday but I had to vent. I will now put all my energy into supporting the wife and kids through this. We are hoping that Dad will be able to move around a bit and I am hoping that we can get him fishing or shooting a few more times before he crosses over. We need to take lots of pictures and video so my youngest (14 mo) will be able to learn about him. Heck, the doctor's can be wrong, it's been know to happen as medicin is not an exact science so I also hope they got it wrong as I prepare for if they got it right.

At the risk of sounding selfish in all of this six months puts things around Christmas. We went through this with my Dad and were lucky that he got through the holidays so we had one more season together before he passed in February. I pray that he will also make it through the holidays so we have one more together. . . .