Starting down that Trans road.

We had our (wife and I) meeting with my son’s therapist he is working with on his transition.

Overall a good meeting and we were open with our concerns.  Mostly I want to see him start to act his age, learn to drive and take a bit more responsibility for things.  He is an adult now and needs to start acting it.  This will also help me to feel a bit more comfort that he is doing the right thing and really does know what he wants.

I know I need to help with this.  We are driving more, and I need to make sure we drive a bit every weekend so he can get better.  The only way to learn is to do . . . . then he needs his license.  I also need to start pushing him a bit to do more chores around the house.  Something we never did much of with any of our kids, and hindsight being 20/20 that was a mistake we made.  Fixing it is not going to be easy, and I am sure I will be the bad guy or seen as mean for working on this. . .  which won’t be easy for me either.

Once he can drive I think it will be a big first step in all of this.  Then he will be able to get around when needed, be it to the doctor, therapist, a job or to see friends.

We are still working on the pronoun thing.  I am slipping up less than I did, and with his chosen name too. . . but I still mess up.  My wife is having a much harder time with this than I am I think.  That is causing it’s own problems as our son acts differently toward my wife than me.  I can ask for things and they get done, she can’t for some reason.  No real idea why, and not sure what to do about that. .  .

I do know I was not cut out for this. . . . . . In some ways we have been very lax parents and let him do whatever he wanted as a kid, now we are paying for it.  He seems to think we will pay for his transition, and I have been saying no, you are an adult and need to get a job and pay for this.  I am paying for therapists, and his healthcare so it is not like I am abandoning him.  He also knows he will always have a home and a roof over his head. . . But I think it is fair to expect some help with him paying for things as he is an adult now.  But saying NO to my kids has never been easy for me, and this is no exception.  Problem is where do you draw the line between enabling him to not grow up, and providing what you should as a parent. . . 

But not to sound like it was all a negative visit.  The Doc seemed to be very good and supported or at least understood our concerns with getting our son to grow up a bit and take responsibility.  I know he has anxiety issues and this will be a learning thing, but it needs to happen.  The Doc also supported my thinking that at his age my son should be paying for his meds and does need a job/drivers license.  I know this will take time but we will get there.

Now if I could just get my son to see there is no magic fix and that all of this will take time, I think we would all have less stress in our lives.  But for now, I still see a kid that is looking for a magic fix to cure his identity, job issue, anxiety issues and all that. . . .  one day at a time I guess.

The Road Less Traveled

My younger daughter has come out as trans, he wishes to be called by a new name and referred to as he.

Now as a parent I must admit I am scared to death about all of this. . . but he is 21, and has chosen this road.  Is it a phase?  Maybe, maybe not. . . only time will tell.  Was it something I did wrong?  Or would this have happened no matter what I did as a parent?  I will never know the answer to this, at least not while on this side of the vail. . and by the time I get that answer it won't matter any more will it?

But I will be sure to support him in everything he does as long as he harms none, and this is no different. 

I won't deal with negative vibes over this and if needed will cut people out of my life as needed.  So far it looks like I have picked good friends and have seen nothing but support for my son and me in this.  If you can't deal then just walk away.  It is not your path to walk and I don't need your reasons religious or otherwise for your opinion on my family.  This is the one thing I will delete any hateful comments on.  I am usually open to both sides of any debate, but not this time.  I have to pick a side and I will pick my family and friends every time.

Yes, I am insisting he works with a therapist on this so he knows all the pros and cons of this and makes the decision with all the facts.  I can do no less.

I do not understand how anyone can turn their back on their kids as they go through this.  All I can say is "What the FUCK is wrong with you as a parent?" if you can turn your back on your kid when they need you most.  You suck as a human and I have no use for you.  And I know they are out there.  One of his friends is also going through this and their folks won't even talk about it. . .. denial of reality is not a way to deal with life.

I never really cared what folks thought of my choices. . . I am Wiccan and open about it.  My son is very sensitive to it unfortunately and I hope he can grow a thicker skin as he walks this path.  I will do what I can for him, and that is that.

I will probably blog about it here not only to help myself work through this, but also to help others who may be going through this and show them that they are not alone. . . .

Wish me luck if you would I know I will need it.  Any prayers of aid to whomever you worship are also welcome.  It will not be an easy road, but walk it he will, and so will I.